Spiritual Fathers, Teachers, and Mentors

by Eric Reeder

The longer I have walked in ministry leadership and relationships, the more I see clarity on different aspects and roles of those God leads into one’s life.  The more understanding we have with different relationships, the more we can maximize them and benefit.  When certain roles of relationships are not understood, the result is often confusion and heartache.  This is a beginning effort to help us see what is available to us through Fathers, Teachers, and Mentors.

It’s easy to understand not every relationship in our lives are to be the same or provide the same things.  There are many aspects of relationships that develop in life.  Some are short-term, some long-term.  Some are for certain seasons, and some are for a specific reason.  Being able to identify what relationship is for what can help you receive from and offer the most in each case.

I’ve noticed in our spiritual lives, God helps arrange meaningful relationships that will help us know Him more deeply and express Him more fully.  When someone first comes into Christ’s Kingdom or has been in Christ for a while but hasn’t had someone really give into their life, it becomes easy to park any relationship that gives toward them at the highest measure of status.  This is mostly because our hearts value someone that gives meaningfully into our lives.  Not every relationship is designed to be where we park the fullest part of our heart or commitments.  We certainly need to value and honor all meaningful and healthy relationships, but we need to see to which measure we offer ourselves to different relationships. 

To help give insight to this, I am presenting 3 key spiritual relationships to consider and evaluate in your life:

·         Spiritual Fathers/Mothers

·         Teachers

·         Mentors

For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. For I became your father in Christ Jesus when I preached the Good News to you. (1 Cor 4:15 NLT)

For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. (1 Cor 4:15 ESV)

1 Corinthians 4:15 tells us there is opportunity for many “teachers, instructors, guides, mentors” in Christ, but there are not many fathers for you.  The more I walk in leadership, the more I see the value in understanding this.  There is a desire and ache in all of us to have a “father” in our lives and often times a significant “teacher” can seem like a father.  This usually leads to setting that teacher up in our hearts as a father.  Teachers can offer a lot and are intended by God to develop parts of us and strengthen our walk.  But teachers are not fathers.  When those things get mixed up it often leads to damage, as the wrong expectations and commitments are made and can’t be lived out.  To embrace a teacher as a father puts each party in a difficult place. 

A “mentor” has a great role, but is still not a “father”.  Mentors can be many and varied for certain areas of development, but they can’t be walked out like a father.  When Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians telling them that they will have many teachers/mentor, he made a distinction between himself as a father and those mentors.  Paul was something different in their lives than other leaders that contributed in their lives.  Reading the next few verses even reveals how Paul (father) sent Timothy (mentor) to help the Corinthians walk out their journey.  Yet Paul had a different role in the relationships.  If the Corinthians started taking Timothy as their father, it would have created many challenges that wouldn’t have been benefical.  There is a need for each of us to recognize those distinctions.

There will be those we gain from, appreciate, and honor as teachers in our lives.  Then there is a father.  I’ll be a teacher to many.  I’ll even be an apostolic leader to many, but then there will be those that I am their father.  For those that I am a father, that creates an entirely different situation than where I am a teacher or mentor.  I’ve taught many, but I desire many sons and daughters to give to and bless.  For those that I am their father, I want to encourage them to receive from and gain from many teachers and leaders that can add to their lives.  As a father, part of my role is to offer clarity and protection from areas that can be damaging.  It’s important to prayerfully consider and understand the roles of the gifts God provides through a father and also other teachers and mentors. 

Here are some points to recognize:

·         Teachers/Mentors are often for a season.  Fathers are for a life time. 

·         Teachers/Mentors offer what they know.  Fathers impart who they are. 

·         Teachers/Mentors enhance.  Fathers propel.

·         Teachers/Mentors help you know.  Fathers help you mature. 

·         Teachers/Mentors are those you can select to gain from.  Fathers are who you know God used to bring you forth into who you are. 

·         Teachers/Mentors have an important part in your life.  Fathers have authority in your life.

·         Teachers/Mentors have insightful words.  Fathers’ words carry weight. 

·         You want to know what Teachers know, but a father’s heart matters most.

·         Teachers/Mentors tell you how it should be.  Fathers show you how it is to be. 

·         Teachers/Mentors give you their wisdom.  Fathers give you their life. 

·         Fathers are teachers and mentors, but Teachers/Mentors are not always fathers. 

Here are some qualities Fathers carry:

·         Fathers care about you – have interest in you (for you not just what you offer)

·         Fathers come toward you – they don’t stay distant

·         Fathers are vulnerable – they open their life to you; the faults, fears, successes, and joys.

·         Fathers desire more for you than themselves

·         Fathers reveal who you are

·         Fathers set a path of growth for you

·         Fathers provide the place of belonging for you

·         Fathers show you your future

·         Fathers are enjoyable to be with

·         Fathers secure your heart

Teachers/Mentors offer many things, but Fathers provide what your heart needs beyond what your mind is looking for.  When you see the father in your life, you’ll recognize that you sense something different with them than you do with teachers.  Knowing these differences causes that ability to relate to the leaders in your life accordingly.  To see these distinctions will help you not perceive a teacher in your life as a father or vice versa.  That is a valuable recognition to have.  I’ve experienced and seen many experience the pain and damage from thinking a teacher was a father or a father as just a teacher.  God is looking to heal “father wounds” most of us have.  Understanding these different relationships can add to that healing and not further damage.